The Jelly Bean Conundrum

I have met people in the course of my life, for whom jelly beans are considered a staple. Nay, more than that, I have been told on more than one occasion, that jelly beans are ESSENTIAL TO LIFE ON THIS PLANET.

As for me? Not a fan. Despite having one of the most freakishly huge sweet tooths in all of human creation, jelly beans just don't do it for me. In light of this, it may shock you to discover that yesterday I ate two handfuls of the things. And I'm like, really tall and stuff, and I play the piano, and I have long-fingered hands. So, yes, I can hold a LOT of jelly beans in one hand, let me tell you.

And I didn't enjoy them. Not even a little bit. So why did I eat them? Not just because they were there, but because every other treat in the house had been decimated. Some, I ingested, I confess. It's a very effective treat-eradication protocol, and I employ it often. Some I actually THREW AWAY, in a fit of uncommon genius/willpower. And then, Mr. VanderMan himself went and hid my milk chocolate chips.


So the only sweet treat in the house, unless I wanted to spoon sugar into my mouth from out of one of my baking bins (and I haven't sunk that low in . . . months?), were the jelly beans.

The kids found the bag in the pantry today and I shared some out. Because I'm generous like that, and I'm also evil like that (you try telling a three-year-old shrieker that she can't have the candy she just found - don't judge). But when I offered half a handful to Emma she looked up at me, wrinkled her nose and said, "Nah, I don't really like jelly beans. So I don't need them."

I looked at the handful that I'd been about to pop into my mouth and repeated her words inside my head. "Nah, I don't really like jelly beans. SO I DON'T NEED THEM."

I screamed that last bit really loud. There were like, capital letters dribbling off my lips afterwards, that's how loud it was.

So I'm renewing an old vow I once made (and, umm, broke - like, a bazillion times and really, REALLY hard), that I won't deny myself treats entirely. But I won't eat ANYTHING unhealthy unless I thoroughly (we're talking near-ecstasy here), completely enjoy it.

VanderVision Tip of the Day: Sometimes, it's what we DON'T do, rather than what we DO do (ha ha, doodoo!) that makes us truly awesome.


  1. Hey, Kim! I just re-discovered your blog after a long absence, and it has been great, reading around. You and I seem to have a lot in common. Like, a kindofcreepy lot. Except, I love jelly beans. You can send all of yours my way, and I'll send you all of our month-old Easter chocolate!

    p.s. It's ReeRee, from plurk, here.
    p.p.s. If you feel like reading around on MY blog-

  2. I've totally done something similar before. Congratulations on the not-doing! You truly are such a great example to me. :D