Sometimes life is hard because of the pieces it's made out of. There are pieces of loss, and pieces of that-hurts-so-so-much. There ar...

Reminder of the Choice Reminder of the Choice

Reminder of the Choice

Reminder of the Choice

Sometimes life is hard because of the pieces it's made out of. There are pieces of loss, and pieces of that-hurts-so-so-much. There are pieces of not-enough, and if-only, and oh-no-not-again.

And sometimes life is hard because of how you put the pieces together, and how you see them and feel them. It can be about the but-I-want-this and it-is-easier-for-her, and why-can-I-not-be-that, and why-do-I-try.

I have more good in my life right now than I have EVER had. The pieces I am putting together are lovely, joyful, soul-satisfying, love-breeding. And the way I see them is sweetly. I feel gratitude for every single piece. Even the hard ones. Even the ones that make me whimper and wonder why-does-it-have-to-be-THAT.

Because I know He's making me into something I can't understand. I understand that I can not understand. And I'm okay with that. Because I know my vision is a narrow thing, further obscured by the darkness I sometimes invite into my thoughts, my heart, my life.

But even knowing all that, even though I am beginning to grasp at the edges of this vastness, this complicated fitting-together of pieces that form my life as I am living it, things are hard. I'm weary. I'm not ashamed to admit it. I sleep too little, and what little sleep I get it fitful. I yell more than I should and I laugh less than I want to. I waste time. I flake out on people. I embrace fear. I make stupid choices. I get angry with myself because so often I stop. Or I hide. Or I quit.

I stop building. I stop living. Even though my pieces are AMAZING. Dare I say, awesome?

That's the part that is TRULY amazing. That the pieces we build our life out of are not themselves predictors of our happiness. I am happier than others who have more than me. I am miserable compared to others who have so much less. It's a cheesy old line, but it holds true that happiness is a choice, and sometimes we forget to choose it.

VanderVision Tip of the Day: CHOOSE IT.


3 comments:

  1. it mystifies me how many people do not understand that happiness is a choice . . . it's like Sister Hinckely always said: “The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache.”
    it's all ABOUT the choices! :)

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  2. I love that it's a choice... even though so often I end up choosing the wrong thing. :( Whoops. But I'm with you 100%. God gives us a gift -- the right to choose. And that doesn't just mean what we wear or eat. He gives us the right to choose to be happy. I love that.

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  3. You echo my thoughts probably more than any other person I've met. And you should know, I am so, so grateful for you. So grateful.

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