Heroes Are Boring

I would make a terrible super-villain. I mean, totally apart from the whole loving-mother vibe I’ve got going on. Although, every stay-at-home mom is at some point faced with the darkest parts of herself, having to answer difficult questions like “Would it really be so bad to strap Child #3 to her crib with duct tape to force her to nap?” and “Telling the children that the next time they bicker they’ll have desserts confiscated until their twenty-third birthday isn’t REALLY mean, is it?”
If there’s any point in my life during which I’m going to go over to the dark side, this is it, people. Thing is, I simply don't have it in me. Not just because I’ve got my sweet, joyful, happy moments during this mommy-gig (though I do – the day before yesterday for instance), but because I am patently unqualified for super-villainhood. Which is kind of a shame because as an avid reader and dedicated writer, I think super-villains are FABULOUS.
But . . .
I’m allergic to cats, fluffy white ones or otherwise.
I’m scared of blimps.
I can’t run my own household, never mind the entire world.
When I try to evoke an evil laugh, I burst out coughing. It’s pathetic. Trust me.
I didn’t make it past grade nine chemistry or grade eleven math.
I have a slight grasp on my sanity. Slight. But it’s there.
HOWEVER, what I do have working for me, just for right now, is a squint. Yep. A squint. Something got under my contact lens last night and when I woke up this morning it felt like the cornea of my right eye had been diced up by tiny knives during the night. One word: OUCH. So I’m squinting and glaring and snapping at the kids and thinking, man, it’s a shame I don’t have it in me to be a super-villain, because heroes are boring by comparison, and I sure have the facial expression down.
VanderVision Tip of the Day: Little dreams are like loose change, they get lost easily. Dream big, so that no matter how mentally-myopic you become, you'll always be able to see your path. Unless you're a super-villain plotting world domination, in which case, please disregard this advice.

1 comment:

  1. I love the tips of the day. :D And I feel you about the squint. I hate it when that happens to my contacts!