The R.V.

We bought an R.V. this weekend, and I use the word "we" very loosely. It's not the I'm against the idea of owning an R.V.. I can handle the slow driving, and the shocked expressions of people looking at me through the window while they think things like, "Dude, that lady's like, what, thirty (okay, so I'm nearly 35, but I'm aging well)? Don't you have to be a senior citizen to own one of those things?"
I mean, come on, when we moved to this town we took up square dancing. We're not ageist, and we can totally handle the staring.
It's not even the fact that the R.V. we bought is crazy old. Like, it was made when I was NINE. Seriously, when I think about it the picture in my imagination looks something like this:
Even though really, it looks like this:

And that's okay. I don't need fancy to be happy. Just come over to my house some time, you'll see. No, my concern isn't about looks, it's about functionality. Specifically, MY functionality. See, what I'm really worried about is this:

We have four kids. And one of them is a baby who will only sleep in her own crib, and who rocks herself to sleep every night (yeah, it's weird, but google says it's not unheard of, and GOOGLE KNOWS ALL). And one of them is a three-year-old who during a road trip last year did the following to keep herself awake: pulled her hair, pinched herself repeatedly, banged her head against the side of her carseat, tried to rip her own ears off, GAGGED herself, poked herself in the eye, and performed a series of vocal exercises that culminated in Mommy's eardrum rupturing (well, it felt like it anyway).

Neil thinks I am being quite pessimistic, in insisting that extended stays in the R.V. may lead to severe sleep deprivation and OTHER HORRIBLE CALAMATIES THAT MY IMAGINATION IS CURRENTLY TRAUMATIZING ME WITH.

And I have to admit, I can be quite pessimistic at times. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm usually always right. And that staying in the R.V. the weekend of my little sister's wedding could have disastrous results. So Jenny, if you see me stumbling around all bleary-eyed and stuff, maybe make sure there's someone guarding the cake. Oh, and if I say stuff about how I hate you for being skinnier than me now, maybe take it with a grain of salt. It's probably the sleep deprivation talking.

VanderVision Tip of the Day: Kim - Sleep = Not Awesome.

Okay, so that's more of a warning than a tip, but true nonetheless.

Yes, yes, we'll make some awesome family memories in this contraption. I'm just worried that most of the R.V. stories my kids tell some day will start with the line, "So, remember the trip we took right before Mom had her nervous breakdown?"

1 comment:

  1. Oh, boy! You know how some people say to travel at night so the kids will sleep? Yeah, we tried that. What happens is that they sleep for an hour or so, then wake up and whine and cry because they can't see anything and are bored.

    I hope you survive your RV!