Judge the Judges: S.U.P.E.R.

Name: Kimberly Vanderhorst

Genre: MG Fantasy

Title: S.U.P.E.R.

Word Count: 60,000

Pitch: When thirteen-year-old Alexandra finds out The Agency she works for brainwashed the world’s superheroes, she must pair up with the infuriatingly adorkable Quinn to stop them before they detonate the neural chip in his brain.

First 250:

Most thirteen-year-old girls would scream if they woke up to find a ninja assassin in their bedroom. Alexandra just grinned.

            Finally, someone thought she was important enough to kill.

            Manhattan’s city lights spilled through her windows and glinted off the short-bladed Bowie knife clutched in the man’s hairy-knuckled hand. Alexandra’s heart danced the tango through her suddenly throbbing chest. There were few things more thrilling than taking on an enemy who’d underestimated you, and this guy had seriously miscalculated.

            A knife? Please.

            But a girl’s first assassination attempt was a pretty big deal, and no way was she going to let his incompetence ruin it for her.

            When the guy crept close enough that Alexandra could practically feel his breath through his hood, she rolled to her feet and leapt off the bed. The man reeled back in shock as she slammed down against his stooped over shoulders.

            One swift chop to his elbow joint sent his knife skittering uselessly under the bed. Before he could reach back to grab her, she whipped off the bulky black hood shielding his face. With a grunt of triumph she dropped to the floor behind him, danced back several steps, and threw the scrap of black fabric across the room.

            But then the ninja began to glow, his dark clothing backlit by a green light pulsing underneath his skin. He turned to face her, smiling like a psychotic jack-o-lantern.

            Fan-frickin’-tastic. The guy had status.                              
           “That’s right. The knife was a decoy, little girl. I’m the real weapon."

*This is the first page of the first book I ever queried. The book received 20 full manuscript requests and one R&R but middle grade is HARD and I didn't keep the voice consistent. I might rewrite this one some day, but in the meantime I'll stick to YA. ;)

1 comment:

  1. I like the pitch. From your 4 novels I've read today, the writing here is the best. Simple. Clear. Action, although I don't read MG. I read that many agents like it, but had problems with the voice. Why not quickly transform it to YA with Alexandra being 15-year-old and send it to YA agents. Good luck with all your novels and say hello if you visit Toronto.