This is who I am. I am, so very thoroughly, "enthusiastic about the miracle of human consciousness." I jump up and down in my chair. LITERALLY. I get crazy thrilled about simple things. Like a book that makes my imagination shout at me, "Aren't you so glad you have me?! *I* am so glad you have me! We are AWESOME together!" Or a funky new Lego set Neil has added to his collection. Or a picture on the internet of something so geekily fabulous that I can hardly stand it and show it to everyone who wants to see and several dozen people who emphatically do not but I make them look anyway because it is THAT amazing.

I'm a nerd. I'm a geek. And John Green got it exactly right when he pointed out that that isn't any kind of insult at all.

Which begs the question - why have I spent so much of my life feeling like it is? Why have I poured so much energy into muffling my excitement and tamping down my enthusiasm for stuff? Why so much pretending?

Thing is, there are no reasonable answers to those questions. No answers that make a real sort of sense, except the answer that I've been kind of stupid, and maybe I shouldn't do that anymore.

VanderVision Tip of the Day: If you are ashamed of your own awesomeness, you stop being awesome, and you start being sad.


  1. definitely very true . . . I'm a nerd, but not really a geek, but I embrace my truth and am not ashamed of who I am . . . because, y'know? I'm kinda awesome! :)

  2. I will call myself a nerd sometimes and then people look at me with that uncomfortable/pitying look they give when you say some kind of self-deprecating comment. It's the same look as if I would have said "I'm dumb" or "I could lose a few pounds." They might even be tempted to reply with a "no, you're not!" to make me feel better. Don't they know that I am proud to be a nerd?? That being a nerd is kind of awesome???

    One thing I've learned as I've gotten older is that you have to do what makes YOU happy, not pretend to be someone else. I have to remind myself of this as I read books or snap lots of pictures or visit the library more regularly than the grocery store or actually bother keeping up with my blog (all things that many real-life friends don't seem to have time for). Because, yes, if I were to stop -- I'd stop being awesome and start being sad!