tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-755812716904187545.post1823878636562363003..comments2023-04-06T04:43:41.670-07:00Comments on VANDERVISION: YA Paranormal: The Waiting Dark - Judge the JudgesKimberly Vanderhorsthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01653757517652257445noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-755812716904187545.post-35463506566420644122016-09-26T12:27:38.455-07:002016-09-26T12:27:38.455-07:00The force is strong with this one!
Please send que...The force is strong with this one!<br />Please send query and full ms to michelle@inklingsliterary.com with Pitchslam and the title of your book in the subject line.Michelle L. Johnsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15899013792729677959noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-755812716904187545.post-79066499629767493632016-09-15T04:40:01.927-07:002016-09-15T04:40:01.927-07:00I think the pitch is pitch-perfect (pun slightly i...I think the pitch is pitch-perfect (pun slightly intended). I wouldn't change a word. <br /><br />On the 250, I got a little confused about why she was stressing over the new boobs. At first I thought it was because her mother also had large boobs and she was concerned if she inherited them, people would connect her to her mother because of the similarity. Then I thought it was because the boobs were a reminder that time had passed since her mother died (and she developed in the meantime). Perhaps a short phrase/sentence to clarify? Other than that, the 250 is clear and voice-y and intriguing. I'd read on!Bikram Yodanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-755812716904187545.post-38800256019861511872016-09-14T22:41:47.264-07:002016-09-14T22:41:47.264-07:00You guys are fanTAStic! I've applied some of y...You guys are fanTAStic! I've applied some of your advice and am mulling over the rest. Thank you so much, and I hope our critiques of your entries were just as helpful! <3Kimberly Vanderhorsthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01653757517652257445noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-755812716904187545.post-2799918864617514862016-09-14T22:34:34.752-07:002016-09-14T22:34:34.752-07:00Pros: The premise of this kicks so much ass I'...Pros: The premise of this kicks so much ass I'm in awe. The ghost of a serial killer parent lurking around? *And it's the mother*? (Because serial killers = mostly male, and usually mc's Important Parent is the dad, and thank you, thank you for doing something different.) Mc's voice is wonderful (use of "boobs" rather than something more white-bread like "chest" or clinical like "breasts" showed her personality right away).<br /><br />Nitpicks: In the pitch, the "fans of the documentary about her life" bit sounds a clunky. I think you could tighten the wording. In the 250, the last line, I'm not sure what you meant with "a human ice floe." Is that referencing the cold? The wet? The roughness and noise? (I read a lot of Arctic Expedition Goes Horribly Wrong books recently, so I might be getting a wildly different visual than someone else reading it.)<br /><br />Overall, super intriguing, I'm on board, and I want this book in my hands right now.<br /><br />Darth Inisnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-755812716904187545.post-60781870177914849542016-09-14T17:38:08.025-07:002016-09-14T17:38:08.025-07:00Pitch: Loved it.
250: I don't read YA parano...Pitch: Loved it. <br /><br />250: I don't read YA paranormal, but I WOULD LOVE to read this! I'm hooked. You did a fantastic job putting the reader right in her world. I understand what she was going through and why. The setting I could see clearly. I do agree about the gum wrapper part, it made me stop for a moment too. Love it though! Puff Puff Starfighternoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-755812716904187545.post-92170418772199536502016-09-14T15:36:47.016-07:002016-09-14T15:36:47.016-07:00I love this. I love you quickly you ground us in h...I love this. I love you quickly you ground us in her world and her problems with this opening. No beating around the bush, just straight shooting.<br /><br />I go back and forth on how much I like the "crumple like a gum wrapper" line. It's really evocative, but at the same time, I do kind of trip over it and go "but what does that actually MEAN when you're talking about a face?" <br /><br />Over all though, so great. Thanks for sharing! Emily Paxmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01219964022353172772noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-755812716904187545.post-15154041494591375012016-09-14T09:20:10.453-07:002016-09-14T09:20:10.453-07:00Obviously I'm no expert so take my comments wi...Obviously I'm no expert so take my comments with a pinch of salt AND pepper!<br /><br />I think the pitch is pretty clear. Only at the end the use of "she" could be confused as either her dead mother or herself, finding victims.<br /><br />The only part in the 250 I wonder is after throwing the hat away, is it the hat or throwing it away or her development the thing her dad won't like in that particular sentence?<br /><br />But I can envision the opening scene clearly!<br /><br />Christinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14172014686424638479noreply@blogger.com